Dark Cookbook – Cake of Neugbauer

A few days ago I read about a Harry Potter book that a bunch of hilarious writers generated with a predictive keyboard called “Botnik“. It appears that you can load any text into it you wish and it will generate a predictive keyboard based on that text. There’s all kinds of stuff there. The tutorial apparently features “The American Woman’s Cookbook” and selected works of H.P. Lovecraft. I decided it would be hilarious to generate recipes based on vintage cookbooks, old grimoires and short stories from old horror writers.

So I present to you The Cake of Neugebauer generated with the help of botnik, based on “Nyarlathotep” by H.P. Lovecraft, “Aunt Caroline’s Dixieland Recipes”, and a non-vodka singed version of “The Necronomicon”.

Please do not attempt to make any of this at home.

I have no idea what a tablespoonful of waters that have raised demons is but it can’t be good for you. Also ‘boiling syrup’ is probably pretty dangerous. Sumerian deity oats are probably just regular oats. Probably.

Cake Of Neugebauer

One cup brown custard
Two pints beaten eggs
One tablespoonful waters that which have raised demons
Two pounds boiling syrup
One cup powdered cinnamon toast
Oats of a Sumerian deity

Preheat oven to three hundred seventy five degrees.

Put all the ancient ones which have been creamed together until smooth into a baking dish. Chill until very little protection against the elder gods remains.

Mix egg slightly into the melted barrier that keeps vigil into the underworld. Add enough water to dissolve the first brown custard. Mix well.

Put together with the assistance of a sumerian deity and pour boiling syrup over toast.

Cream the mixture into oats.

Bake fifteen years or until tender. Serve with crushed olives and the hidden power which might precipitate.