The Most Addictive Thing Ever Made By Man

Some years ago, between 2002 and 2008 an American corporation developed the most addictive substance that’s ever been spread to the masses. It had me going to get a fix daily, sometimes twice a day. The rush was exquisite. As if crack, heroin and cannabis had been mixed together in a delivery system that went right to the brain. I called it “crackajuanoine” for lack of a better term. Then one day for no reason they stopped producing it, leaving myself and my friends with the shakes and no way to get more.

I’m talking of course about Sonic’s Raspberry Limeade that, at least in the area I lived, was only available for about a year, then was never to be seen again.

I tried this devil’s cocktail one day when my sister and I went to Sonic for a burger. It was advertised as a new item, and I got a small just in case it tasted like crap. It did not. I was hooked instantly, and went back later that same day to get a 44oz. version, which probably cost seven dollars. Or two dollars, or eighty nine cents. Diabetes, missing teeth and liver problems are surprisingly cheap in the United States.

For nearly a year I had one of these drinks on a daily basis. I spent hundreds of dollars on this quart and a half size cup of liquid heaven. Or, twenty seven dollars. Like I said, it is ludicrously cheap to give your dentist reasons to yell at you and charge five hundred dollars for an epoxy filling here.

Then, one day like the jalepeno popper at Burger King, it was stripped from my life without notice or warning. It was like like all that was good in the world just disappeared and everything was now a slightly brown shade of beige. Thankfully my dad wasn’t around to yell at the lady behind the counter.

Probably for the best, I would have diabetes now if they’d continued selling them.

Yes, I am aware you can still get raspberry flavoring in a limeade, but trust me, it isn’t the same. A junkie knows the difference.

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